If you want to grow, why do we sometimes sabotage our own progress? What makes self-doubt creep in when we only aim to better ourselves?
Today, we will discuss a paradox within the survival of the fittest. In this post, we will explore one secret to self-evolution that may create a loophole so strong that some may rarely break out of it. In some cases, this "glitch" within the yearning for adaptation may continue to cause verbal or physical harm to ourselves the more we aim to advance. Let’s explore unconscious reasons why, in the face of our greatest goals and ambitions, our minds and bodies may contradict themselves into states of self-sabotage.
Disclaimer: In this passage, we will explore a specific mechanism of self-sabotage. This is not a one-size-fits-all and is only designed to apply to specific situations. This is not always the case, just an interesting perspective to consider. As always, I am an experimental writer who has built a following based on my experimental concepts on the mind and body.
On the path to success and betterment of the self, there are often additional feelings that arise that seem to clash illogically with the drive to success. Feelings like shame, verbally belittling oneself, using perfectionism to verbally attack one’s current self, excessive self-criticism, feeling embarrassment with even the simplest of human mistakes, focusing only on the bad when surrounded in a sea of good progress, and a myriad of other mixed feelings. When surrounded by a sea of positive advancements and growth, there is an inclination to fixate, and even in some cases verbally abuse ourselves, with even the smallest amount of negative experience.
At the root of all these potentially illogical methods of shaming ourselves on the journey to self-fulfillment, what exits at the root is a desire to survive, evolve, and adapt. However, what happens at an unconscious level when your own thoughts, perception, and nervous system reactivity seem to self-sabotage your chance for survival, evolutions, and adaptations?
Here is the secret that we will discuss today: if the mind deems itself a threat to itself, the mind may attack itself.
In other words, if one detects that the current version of themselves is standing in the way of their advancement, the mind may unconsciously detect this as a threat to the continuation and maximum prosperity of survival. In this specific case, we will explore how this process causes the body's survival mechanisms to turn off itself, leading to casual or non-casual verbal or physical attacks of the self. Each time a subtle or non-subtle attack is made, it may produce a subtle pseudo-sensation that the survival of the self is being fought for, by aiming to defeat the self altogether.
Otherwise worded, if the mind, the thoughts, your perceptions, emotions, or the self deems themselves a sabotage to their best survival, the nervous system may threaten itself in return. The drive for survival and adaptation will turn itself into a threat, and turn on itself. This unconscious loophole is what we will explore today.
The Critical Point: This can make the act of self-deterioration, and even in some cases abusing the self, give off a false feeling of fighting for the self, by fighting the self instead.
The Painful Aftermath: Inflicting pain to the self then synthesizes a false feeling of coming to your defense.
This unconscious contradictive loophole goes deeper. There is a second and third phase to this process of self-sabotage that then deepens the issue. The following phases keep one in a perpetual state of this internal conflict. In these phases, we will explore how the drive for self-preservation may not only cause one to turn on oneself as a threat but instead may cause one to preserve parts of the self that are attacking them in the name of total self-preservation.
In the first phase, the mind registers itself, thoughts, perceptions, emotions, sensations, or actions as a threat to itself, so the mind may attack its own nervous system emissions and actions. This shows up in the personality as self-sabotage. Even though the drive for survival and adaptation is still intact, the drive turns in on itself, catalyzing a state of self-sabotage. In the second phase, the mind can then protect itself against its own attack.
This splits the drive for self-advancement into two complexes within the mind: (1) the part of the mind attacking the mind, and (2) the part of the mind defending against the attack. This generates a third complex, the total of the self fights for both sides, in the name of fighting for the self as a whole, this causes the mind and body to simultaneously attack and defend both of the complexes at one time. This is three layers of simultaneous drives for survival and adaption happening at once in one person.
This leads to the third phase, the unconscious drive to ensure neither complex fully wins to ensure that both sides of the self survive. The unconscious drive to ensure the entire self survives creates a need to preserve faulty adaptations - even if they work against the overall preservation of the self. Defeating one complex over the other provides a feeling of working against the preservation of both sides. This makes letting go of outdated and illogical forms of the self, feel like one is abandoning their total chance for survival. Additionally, there is an unconscious feeling a portion of the survival of the self fails. This interruption of the self-preservation process can then make one feel like letting go of the side attacking the self is an interruption to total self-preservation. In everyday life, this is where the defense to preserve sides of the self that don't make sense comes into play.
Though these drives are illogical, they would work at an unconscious level - and therefore the consciousness operations of the self may bend to the will of these sensations without reason.
This leads to the fourth phase, potentially the most toxic to the self, a false positive sensation.
Even though there is double the amount of two-way self-attack going on, this ultimately provides a false positive sensation, as if one is preserving twice the amount of self. By fighting and defending two separate self-complexes simultaneously, one may be chasing a feeling of doubling self-preservation - fighting for two opposing states of self and desiring for both of them to win. This provides a double sense of fighting for the self, and a pseudo-sensation of coming to the defense of the self twice.
The mind takes the request too literally, and attempts to preserve the entirety of the self, even fueling advancement to the self-adaptations that ultimately harm the self. This process may provide a false feeling of self-advancement - even if that adaptation is working against you.
The last point we will discuss today is a deeper layer to this self-sabotage paradox. The final layer of this happens at an unconscious level and is a reflex to closely watch for.
Ultimately, as one chooses to advance themselves - they are requesting both their unconscious and conscious mind to enact the drive for self-preservation. It is a manual request for your mind and body to adapt. One is requesting for them to experience a manually controlled adaptation.
What ends up happening is the mind may take this request too literally, and then end up micro (or macro) harming the self, to trigger the need for survival against the self, and to manually trigger the demand to evolve.
This is a drive to make the process of self-adaptation a closed and controllable circuit, which ends up leading to an individual harming themselves and defending themselves perpetually - to control the setting for adaptation within their own behavior. In return, one portion of their psyche plays an enemy to their survival and adaptation - so they can control being the savior and survive against themselves.
The feeling of coming to your defense against your own attack makes you feel you are initiating a drive for self-preservation - by attacking yourself first. This mimics triggering and choosing the will to live - against your own attack.
Presented above are several unconscious layers to this self-sabotage paradox. One may experience just one or several running at a time. It is important to notice when the unconscious drive for total self-preservation may fuel actions, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that are making one turn on oneself.
To ascend to the state of self that one imagines, it is critical to ensure that the self-relationship and the relationship between the unconscious and conscious mind are at a certain level of harmony.
My name is Shaina Scott and these concepts will be experimentally further explored within my upcoming book. I am an Ambassador for an organization of doctors that are internationally recognized in somatic psychology and educating the public on advanced nervous system regulation.
In the meantime, feel free to book a session with me or head to the self-discovery shop to continue your self-exploration.
Until next time,
Disclaimer: Readers understand that this is not therapy does not substitute for therapy if needed, and does not prevent, cure, or treat any mental disorder or medical disease. Implementing choices exclusively is the reader's responsibility. The reader is solely responsible for creating and implementing his/her own physical, mental, and emotional well-being, decisions, choices, actions, and results arising out of interactions with our services. As such, the reader agrees that we are not held liable or responsible for any actions or inaction, or for any direct or indirect result of any services provided by our services.
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